It is not enough to know that we are loved, is it not the hearts greatest desire, to be found complete in brokenness? To know that as a faltering troubled human being we can be loved and embrace by some one, to know that not only is our brokenness seen but that it is also recognized. This is what my heart longs for, like a child in a dark room with hands out stretched longing to touch something that my touch will recognize, but yet not even knowing what my hand is truly searching for. Searching for a place when it is enough to be me enough to not measure and weigh my actions. A place where who I am is complete, silent or speaking, busy or still, to know that as me it is enough. I measure myself by an invisible ruler and I always come up short. I weigh myself on a numberless scale, and it is never enough. I frame the pictures of who I believe I should be but the image is blurred and the vision beyond reach. These callous feet built from walking miles to prove to you that I have value, to prove that I am of worth. But I never travel long enough, so now I sit and wait for this lesson to develop into a life. A life of completeness, where I see myself as enough simply for who I am. I cheer over every newfeature this lesson develops and grow more and more excited in anticipation of the final product.
I am the apprentice over the shoulder of the artist who stands in awe of his teacher. “My master is brilliant and I long to display a portion of his gift.” The apprentice will say to those who ask. “what his hands create is beautiful and true, the canvas may appear strange to you today but in the morning he will add the touches which create the beauty. But it is as much art today as it will be tomorrow, because it has been done by the master.”
Someday these words will be more then letters, this will be a truth I believe. For now I live in defiance of the voice that tells me I am not enough, I live in rebellion against a mind that feels so feeble. I walk with strength against the lies that say I don’t deserve to stand. I love despite the desire to protect my heart.
The apprentice is still, momentarily his eyes locked on the developing work. What you see today will change tomorrow and you can’t miss a moment.
3 comments:
you are the good one of the family. Thanks for the comment. love you!
OK....this is one of the most awesome's post ever. I read it about...a year ago. You know, the LAST time you posted!
I know there is 'stuff' to blog about in your life....now get to it!!!!!!!! :)
Love ya!!!!
K..that was supposed to read:
'one of the most awesome post's ever'. Um. yea.
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