I used to write on here more. At the end of a day I would sit down and release the countless thoughts bouncing off one another in my mind. I would place them in this little box and try to make sense of them, and in a deeper way of my life. It was always one of my favorite moments when homework was pushed aside simply to allow for creativity.
The last year though has brought many changes and few of them have made it to this blog.
Moments of learning and struggling. Grace found complete when my abilities lack.
I am a wife now, a phrase that conjures up images of a smiling family in a picture frame or a purposeful woman in the grocery store with a list. I feel like none of those things. I did not want to make the bed this morning and I left my blow dryer in the hallway because it was more important that I get coffee then I clear a path.
Life partners and best friends that struggle to combine two lives into one and two wardrobes into one closet. A woman from my church was in the gift shop where I work yesterday, she was talking about the woes of dating and trying to find a Godly man. I felt like one of the kids on Willy Wonka with the golden ticket tucked in my pocket. My husband amazes me daily. With his kindness, his gentleness, and his humility. Marriage is like a puzzle with two people trying to fit their pieces in. A humbling process of finding the end of myself and the depths of grace in the same moment. Two life journeys converging into one. Two people trying to trace backwards to know the others story as well as your own. Trying to understand their pain so that you can ache for them. Helping them relive those moments of joy and find grace for the moments of shame. Carrying mistakes you never made, and letting them directly effect your life. This is marriage and communion. What Christ does for us, picking up our filth and wearing it to the cross. Associating his holiness with our sin.
It is a process of pressing so close to the other that their life and yours becomes so intermingled that telling the two apart becomes difficult. I knew I wanted to marry him the day I realized I wasn't me when he was not around. I see in his love more of Christ then I have ever touched in all my studies. Two years of intensive Bible and leadership classes where I examined my heart; and yet Christ has used marriage to show me more of myself then I have ever known.
A refining process, safe in the arms of a God who loves me, and a husband that prays and supports me. Some days it feels heart expandingly perfect, like perhaps it is true for a heart to enlarge with love( like the Grinch), and others a painful process of growth.
I can not imagine a marriage without Christ. This morning my husband crawled back in bed with me to pray over our days. I love when we do this, it is a moment of realizing that what feels so heavy right now is truly "light and momentary" .
The last year though has brought many changes and few of them have made it to this blog.
Moments of learning and struggling. Grace found complete when my abilities lack.
I am a wife now, a phrase that conjures up images of a smiling family in a picture frame or a purposeful woman in the grocery store with a list. I feel like none of those things. I did not want to make the bed this morning and I left my blow dryer in the hallway because it was more important that I get coffee then I clear a path.
Life partners and best friends that struggle to combine two lives into one and two wardrobes into one closet. A woman from my church was in the gift shop where I work yesterday, she was talking about the woes of dating and trying to find a Godly man. I felt like one of the kids on Willy Wonka with the golden ticket tucked in my pocket. My husband amazes me daily. With his kindness, his gentleness, and his humility. Marriage is like a puzzle with two people trying to fit their pieces in. A humbling process of finding the end of myself and the depths of grace in the same moment. Two life journeys converging into one. Two people trying to trace backwards to know the others story as well as your own. Trying to understand their pain so that you can ache for them. Helping them relive those moments of joy and find grace for the moments of shame. Carrying mistakes you never made, and letting them directly effect your life. This is marriage and communion. What Christ does for us, picking up our filth and wearing it to the cross. Associating his holiness with our sin.
It is a process of pressing so close to the other that their life and yours becomes so intermingled that telling the two apart becomes difficult. I knew I wanted to marry him the day I realized I wasn't me when he was not around. I see in his love more of Christ then I have ever touched in all my studies. Two years of intensive Bible and leadership classes where I examined my heart; and yet Christ has used marriage to show me more of myself then I have ever known.
A refining process, safe in the arms of a God who loves me, and a husband that prays and supports me. Some days it feels heart expandingly perfect, like perhaps it is true for a heart to enlarge with love( like the Grinch), and others a painful process of growth.
I can not imagine a marriage without Christ. This morning my husband crawled back in bed with me to pray over our days. I love when we do this, it is a moment of realizing that what feels so heavy right now is truly "light and momentary" .
No comments:
Post a Comment